Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Always Blessings, Never Losses...

I am obsessed with John Edward. I can't even believe I left my cozy lil spot on the couch and his marathon to come share this with everyone. But I had to.

I was watching an episode with a family who lost a 4 year old to cancer. To make a long story short, John asks the mom how she made it through everything and had such a great energy around her.

"I don't know how I made it through" she answered. John told her no, she must have had something that helped her.

"I always say "Always blessings, never losses"

WOW. I cried my eyes out thinking about Alyssa. About how through all my grief, all my pain, everything I've been through I am still BLESSED. Does this saying change my life, make me be a mother who isn't grieving anymore? Not at all. But it gives me a reason to think of the blessings, not the pain.

I am BLESSED to be Alyssa's mommy. I am BLESSED to be the only person in this whole wide world who was with this beautiful baby from the moment she was concieved to the moment her heart stopped beating and she was in God's arms.

I am BLESSED to be having Alyssa's sibling. I am BLESSED God is giving me the chance to have a lil piece of my daughter here with me, that she will live on in our hearts and memories.

I am BLESSED to have a wonderful husband who has done nothing but hold me up and give me strength when I thought there was no way to go on.

I am BLESSED to have the chance to have people all over know about Alyssa. I am BLESSED that she was here with me and I told her I loved her, some mother's never even have that chance.

Now my mission is to go to a John Edward reading. He is going to be about 3 hours away next year, and I am going to be saving money now to go. It will cost $175 per person for me and Chris to go. And guess what? It's on Chris' birthday. I think it's a sign. It's also right around Alyssa's due date.

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