Thursday, November 20, 2008


Friday, November 14, 2008

MRI today...

I had an MRI today to see really what is going on with Baby David's brain and spinal issues. It is also to see how his heart is doing. I have to wait till Monday for the results. I am feeling so anxious, so restless, so many different things.

Depending on the MRI we will see what is going to happen. If the fluid is bad, they might have to take him a lot earlier than we thought. My doctor has also recommended that we move closer to the children's hospital in Kansas City to start my care there with them. I wish it was just easy to up and move but it isn't. I am still in a cast, not to mention financially we are so strapped. I'm praying God finds us a way.

I've made a new page dedicated to just Baby David. I will still be updating this one, but I want to keep this more for my personal feelings, stuff I want to keep seperate from his updates. So please add his page to your blog rolls! We need as much prayer as we can get!!!

Does anyone know how to make buttons that people can put on their page? I want to get as many prayers as we can! Please let me know.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I'm just back from the doctor and my mind is in a jumble. There is something wrong with my sweet baby boy. He has something wrong with his heart, I can't remember everything they said but I will be seeing a pediatric cardiologist (they are making an appointment right now) and will have an MRI. I'll post later when I can think clear and know exactly what it is but something that he only has input on the right side when it should be right and left. He also has fluid on his brain, and possibly has's too much to take right now and I am hating myself for my baby going through this.


Update...called doctor and she believes the baby has Double Outlet Right Ventricle...

What Is It?

Double Outlet Right Ventricle is a congenital heart defect in which both the aorta and the pulmonary artery exit from the right ventricle. In the normal heart, the aorta leaves the left ventricle and the pulmonary artery leaves the right ventricle.

In addition, there is a large ventricular septal defect (VSD), or hole in the muscle wall (septum) that separates the right and left ventricles.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I cried...and I prayed...

I had a HORRIBLE night. It was the worst night of this whole pregnancy to date.

Let me start of by saying that lil Smubby here is a very active baby. He moves atleast every couple hours on a regular basis, and kicks and moves so hard it literally has taken my breath away more than once. Sometimes I tell him to stop and poke my belly, but it's merely for the affect it makes to other people. Just playing, you know? Honestly I have been so thankful to feel him all the time, it reassures me he is still in there, he is still strong and letting Mommy know he is okay.

Going to sleep last night I realized I hadn't felt him kick AT ALL in awhile. In fact the last real kicking session I could remember was the day before when I smelled brownies. I was convinced he smelled them too and he was as happy as I was (ugh and let me just add when I went to get my brownies off the plate next to my bed I realized the dog had ate them! was it a sign I didn't need them?).

Chris told me not to worry after I spent 5 minutes poking, proding, and moving my tummy around and he hadn't moved.

"He's tired leave my baby alone!" he told me. Reluctantly I did.

I woke up at 3am and Smubby still hadn't moved. I freaked out. The next 3 hours I spent crying, sobbing, praying to God to please please just make him move and let me know that he was okay. I was on the verge of having Chris wake up and take me to the hospital I was so freaked out. I prayed to Alyssa, please please protect over her Mommy and baby brother that we needed her.

I've tried to stay calm and positive through this pregnancy and have been pretty good about it as a whole. But last night all my emotions ran wild, and I was angry. I was angry that I couldn't ever experience a normal pregnancy, that I can't just trust things will be okay. I was angry at myself for thinking the worst, and not just going to sleep and knowing he was fine in there.

I cried for all you mommies out there who are going through the same thing I am. It made me sad thinking that we are all part of this "club" of sadness and fear. I pray we all make it through with our sanity and our healthy babies.

So, at about 6 this morning my lil Smubby decided to kick the crap outta me for about an hour. I cried I was so happy! I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. And thankful God listened to my prayers.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


"When a child dies, two people die, I think.
The only difference is that his mother still had to suffer a heartbeat"

From 'Change of Heart' by Judy Picoult

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008

Alyssa's View...

I just had to share these pictures with everyone. The first is of Alyssa's Halloween Minnie Mouse we had at her grave for the month of October.

The second is the view from Alyssa's grave. It is breathtaking, I love when all the leaves change. It makes me happy her view is so beautiful.

On a sad note, there was another baby buried near her when we went. Since she left us there have been 5 more babies who have joined her. Whenever I see a new baby there the sadness overtakes me. I know how hard it still is for us, but when I think of a new set of parents going through those first weeks and months of horrible pain it makes me want to find them and hug them and cry with them.

Everytime we are going to visit Alyssa I pray on the way there "No new babies God, please no new babies."