I cried...and I prayed...

I had a HORRIBLE night. It was the worst night of this whole pregnancy to date.

Let me start of by saying that lil Smubby here is a very active baby. He moves atleast every couple hours on a regular basis, and kicks and moves so hard it literally has taken my breath away more than once. Sometimes I tell him to stop and poke my belly, but it's merely for the affect it makes to other people. Just playing, you know? Honestly I have been so thankful to feel him all the time, it reassures me he is still in there, he is still strong and letting Mommy know he is okay.

Going to sleep last night I realized I hadn't felt him kick AT ALL in awhile. In fact the last real kicking session I could remember was the day before when I smelled brownies. I was convinced he smelled them too and he was as happy as I was (ugh and let me just add when I went to get my brownies off the plate next to my bed I realized the dog had ate them! was it a sign I didn't need them?).

Chris told me not to worry after I spent 5 minutes poking, proding, and moving my tummy around and he hadn't moved.

"He's tired leave my baby alone!" he told me. Reluctantly I did.

I woke up at 3am and Smubby still hadn't moved. I freaked out. The next 3 hours I spent crying, sobbing, praying to God to please please just make him move and let me know that he was okay. I was on the verge of having Chris wake up and take me to the hospital I was so freaked out. I prayed to Alyssa, please please protect over her Mommy and baby brother that we needed her.

I've tried to stay calm and positive through this pregnancy and have been pretty good about it as a whole. But last night all my emotions ran wild, and I was angry. I was angry that I couldn't ever experience a normal pregnancy, that I can't just trust things will be okay. I was angry at myself for thinking the worst, and not just going to sleep and knowing he was fine in there.

I cried for all you mommies out there who are going through the same thing I am. It made me sad thinking that we are all part of this "club" of sadness and fear. I pray we all make it through with our sanity and our healthy babies.

So, at about 6 this morning my lil Smubby decided to kick the crap outta me for about an hour. I cried I was so happy! I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. And thankful God listened to my prayers.