Responsibility Awareness Program...

So a couple years ago I got a ticket for not displaying the front plate on our truck. Well, the reason is we don't have a front bumper due to an accident we had. We had the bumper stored at my uncle's house and in the misdt of him cleaning out his garage he threw it out. Just our luck. Anyways, I got the ticket for the plate not being on the bumper, and I think maybe a speeding ticket. I don't remember anymore. The fine was huge, and I had to get extensions to pay it off.

In addition to my fine, I was ordered to take a "Responsibility Awareness Program". In my mind I always just thought it was going to be a driver's training type class and it would be easy. So I had the class scheduled and decided to look up the website and see if I needed to bring anything, and what exactly was the program descripition.

This program is a two-hour victim impact panel for non-alcohol involved traffic offenders. Volunteer speakers address the more serious consequences of common driving errors, including failure to use seat belts. Our volunteer speakers include the grandparents of a five-year old child who was killed by a passenger side air bag, the sister of a young man killed in a speeding incident, nurse educators....

When I read it my heart stopped. I have to listen to people talk about kids and babies dying? NO!!! I cried and cried just thinking about having to listen to the pain of another person who had lost a child. Emotionally I knew I wasn't up to it.

I went to the class because I knew I had to. I asked the women at the front if there was a lot of talk of babies, and they just stared at me. Bad sign. I explained my situation and told them I didn't think I could emotionally handle if it was too sad. They told me I had to stay for the majority of the class and if I needed to step out for a minute I could.

I will not repeat the HORRIBLE stories of babies dying that I heard. I had to bite my finger as hard as I could in the attempt to not totally loose my mind and break down. I cried several times, all the while telling myself that I could make it through this.

At the end of class just when I thought I had done it and was ready to leave....they make us watch a video. It starts out with Princess Di, and talk of how if she had a seat belt on she would of lived. Without warning Princess Di leaves and on comes a mother talking about her baby. Talking about how a parent should never have to see their child take her last breath, and how you should never have to pick out what your baby is buried in....then the video of her daughter's funeral starts....

The casket that this baby girl was buried in was just like Alyssa's. That's when I lost it. I got up and walked as fast as I could out of that room, tears pouring down my face. My whole body hurt I was in such pain emotionally. All I could think of was the day we buried Alyssa, and our time with her before she left us. It was all too much.

I spent the rest of the day an emotional wreck. Not only that I am now panic stricken riding in the car or driving. Thanks a lot class, you ruined me.